Super Delicious: RBI

Interview will be up later this week, hopefully.

I decided to make a super 1337 advanced user guide to RPing. This contains stuff even RP gods forget from time to time.








Tolkin can’t rp:

You heard me. Well, read me. Despite the fact that Tolkin could probably write an amazing story that none of you could ever hope to match with your combined efforts, role playing would frustrate the hell out of him. He would get worked up over everything from people using the wrong cantations for spells, to how your elf character acts, to the little details within his world that YOU make up. A good writer isn’t a good Rper, and vica versa. Both require different skills and have different goals. Knowing the difference between “there” and “their” makes you a more literate Rper, but not necessarily a better one. Being a good Rper means being active, creative, open minded, and being able to write at a level that at least everyone can understand you. But I’ve written 2 tutorials on that, and if you didn’t get it then, you won’t get it now.

Relationships:

More important than the characteristics mentioned in the previous paragraph is the ability to form and maintain a relationship with your fellow Rpers. After all, if you just wanted to write about how osm your character was and not interact with anyone, the fan fic section is open for you. Moving on…

Quiz time! Which of the following isn’t a relationship?

Boyfriend/Girlfriend

Consumer/Merchant

Prostitute/Player

Brother/Brother

Unless your answer was “none of the above”, you flunked. Each of these parings requires interaction and the forming of a relationship. All of them have an incentive like money or happiness. Each one gets something out of their relationship, and has to put something into it as well. You will never enjoy being in an rp 100% of the time, and that’s why most people leave. They fail to realize it’s a relationship, a trade off, and they’re required to work a little to keep it going. The RP’s health depends on all who participate in it, as well as your cooperation with each other.

Clear writing and detail:

Nobody wants to hear this, but there are days I feel like I’m reading a crappy post on fan-fic.com instead of something nice on Cast RPG that I should be enjoying. I could probably sit down and write a long 50-paragraph essay on what needs to be done to write well, but I don’t think anyone would heed it. Yes, I know, “everyone has a right to write their own way!” and all that jazz, but I like to write in a way that people are able to enjoy what they’re reading. As much fun as it is to just write something and get it over with as soon as possible, you aren’t doing the people who read your shit any favors. I know you’re all in a rush when you write, but just before your post, please read what you wrote out loud to yourself once you’re done. I think you’ll find that will help clear up most of your errors and typos, and just make sure everything flows nicely.

As far as what you write, everyone knows that details make the story/ character/ place/ power good. What they don’t know is what and how to detail. As a result, we have lots of people hopelessly describing stuff to make things more interesting, only to fail. I’m going to go over characters in the next section, but let’s take a look at Caligula’s gladius.


There Caligula’s gladius rested on top of it’s gilded sheath after a hard day’s work. Copper blood stained the elegant hourglass shaped blade right up to its grip. The sword’s dual bladed edges were also frayed and chipped from colliding with other weapons. After going over both sides of the weapon with a damp cloth and sliding the battered blade into it’s glorious cover, no one would suspect the emperor carried around such a crude weapon.


Not a bad description. You can easily visualize the blade in your head, but there’s no draw. It’s just a lifeless blade that some individual carries around with him. This sword is special because it belonged to Caligula! So let’s give this piece of crap some life!


There Caligula’s gladius rested on top of it’s gilded sheath after a hard day’s work. If anyone looked at the crude, battered blade resting on top of its shiny sheath, no one would suspect that the weapon and cover belonged together. The last thing they would consider was that the weapon belonged to their emperor Caesar. Yet the blade was actually Caesar’s most prized possession, and was just as much a part of him as his own right hand. Its hourglass shaped body reminded him of every woman he enjoyed sleeping with. Its pointy, armor piercing tip was much like another part of his body. They were also much alike in that they pierced their targets deeply and reaped unspeakable pleasures from it. The macabre blade would soon have to be returned to its shiny covering, where people would not be able to spot the tyrant’s true nature so easily.


Although the blade is not as easily visualized, this description shows you how important the blade was to Caligula and shines light on aspects of his lifestyle. A boring description can be made lively and interesting just by showing how your character perceives it.

Interesting Characters:

Something that eludes most role players is how to make a character that will be interesting to RP as for the entire duration of a RP, yet will be fun for everyone to interact with. I’ll be the first to say that how fun you are to interact with depends more on how active you are than what your characters like, so we’re left with making the character for you. Well, you should work to make something interesting and different from everyone else, just not to the point where it seems like you’re from another dimension.

It’s important to switch things up every once and a while when your character becomes boring. Maybe he/she could discover a love interest and become happier, lose a family member and go emo, learn an ability, acquire new weaponry, lose powers/abilities, make a pact with a demon, I mean come on! People change over time, so having your RP character change is not only realistic, but also keeps things fresh. Trust me, it’s better than killing off your character half way through the story and then starting off again fresh.

All right, now a few words on a few things Rpers have difficulty incorporating into their posts that didn’t fit into the other sections.

Comedy:

Making someone lol can be hard to do if you aren’t aware of the rules of what is “the LULZ”. Even trickier is incorporating a joke into an rpg. I mean let’s face it, you can’t go for a good knock knock joke, as everything has to be in the context of the rp. So here are 3 laws of the LULZ that will make your intended viewers do a roflcopter. The more you use at once, the better the joke.

#1: it has to be unpredictable.

Naturally, people will find a joke funnier if they’ve never heard of it before, or can’t guess what’s going on until the punch line. This is why jokes cause less lol when told a second, third, and tenth time, and also why randomness on newgrounds is so popular, because it’s an easy lol.

#2: It has to make you feel superior to others.

The evil bad people always lol when they think they’re above and beyond the hero. We enjoy lolling at people who act stupid or have a lower level of skill than us. This is just a few examples of this rule.

#3: It has to make light of a grim situation.

The worse a situation is, the greater the potential for a good lol is. I think this has to do with the fact that we’re tense and ready for anything, and then suddenly something happens that makes all that tension goes away. The result is awkward enough that it’s funny.

Now you may think that it’s hard to incorporate all that into an rp post at once, but watch this:


While Reice searched for Caelan, she noticed Vinzant performing a strange magical ritual before a statue. Curious about what he was doing, she approached him.

“Hey vinzant, what are you doing?”

“I think Shalah has been turned into this statue. She could be petrified or worse…”

After hearing Vinzant’s brief explanation, the maiden looked up at the statue and noticed it had Shalah’s face. Further perplexing was the look of anguish and pain she had on.

“Aww, why couldn’t Niten make a statue of me? At least I wouldn’t have scowled like that while he was sculpting…”

Romance:

The two most common things most Rpers love to do are to write about fights and sex/romance. The action sequences should be no problem with the tips stated elsewhere in this write up and some practice. Romance/sex sequences on the other hand, are a different animal all together.

Romance is hard to incorporate into an RP because of all the variables. If you want to have a romantic sequence with someone else’s RP character, that just increases the difficulty even more. You need things like Chemistry, timing, pacing, (unlike timing, pacing is the sense of time. We don’t want these people getting married or fornicating on the second day of their relationship right?) As well as some planning if you’re going to fall in lub with someone else’s character.

Unlike Rome, relationships aren’t made in one day. Even if a character is very friendly and naïve, they probably aren’t going to just get together and start popping out kids. We call that random romance when that happens, or synergy if you’re a Fate/Stay fan. Yes, there are some characters that will sleep with anyone, but if you’re after a convincing relationship with two people that really seem like they love each other, then you’ll want to take it slow. They don’t even have to like each other at first. It’s usually more interesting that way. How you build their relationship is up to you, but remember to take it in steps.

Once that’s finally been established, (or maybe you were a lazy bastard and just gave your character an F buddy from the start,) you may be inclined to write up a sex sequence. NOW HOLD ON RIGHT THERE LITTLE BUDDY! I don’t care how many pornos you’ve watched or how much you’ve enjoyed them. Sex may “feel” good, but it’s visually very gross. Nobody wants to hear about how a jock gave a cheerleader a few in-and-outs or how deeply he penetrated the orifices of her body. Not to mention that we have kid’s here, and we can’t subject poor Daniel to such horrific imagery at his young age. It’s best to be suggestive. Describe some of the events leading up to the sex and maybe the afterwards. Leave the sex itself for those tasteless slash/yaoi/yuri/fanfic writing bastards on devian tart.


Concerns, Sensations, Rants and Praise, all are welcome.

Concerns: There are not enough memmbers to heed the warnings and acept the critisism of this fine "Role playing for dummies".

Sensations: I...I dont know, but it is between my legs and makes me happy

Rants:

Praise: to the good pointers, wich I really need to take in to consideration when I write out my posts

you kinky little bastard you!

The way I see it, I'm going to be RPing with the three of you. So weather just the two of you read it or 100 other people read it doesn't really matter to me. what I'm more curious to see is the effect my RFD has on you. These things don't always produce desirable effects.

The way I see it, this was a great expansion on the ol' Breakster's guide to RPing or whatever. ALthough, it does face the downfalls of an expansion pack. It doesn't add enough to the map and there needs to be more new units! Just kidding. I liked the relationship and character part. Its all good information. I enjoy your little "tutorials." Seems Cast does too

~Break



MMMMMMMMSUP…Er…Delicious?

…

Anyway Today we have a guest appearance from Al Chem from the RP… Fuck it, I’m not looking it up. Have a seat Chem. Just try not to prod the seats too much with your armor. Also ignore the overhead lights and other things that probably don't appear in your world, they won't hurt you unless you try shooting them with a primitive arrow or something. Then they might fall on your head.

SO, are you all ready?

~Chem

*looks around*

"Ready? Oh um *clears throat* sure."

~Break

Hmmmm, I find it hard to believe that someone who's been through several wars and has the world's fate resting n his shoulders is scared of a theater... REGARDLESS!

Let's start with the origin of your name. How is it pronounced? All Chem? Ale chem? zizque bolipholionne?

~Chem

My name is pronounced All Kem. It originates in the Badlands, which are close neighbors to Alsvid. As such, there is a melting pot effect. You see my father himself had a little bit of Badlandian in him. The name roughly translates as "little soldier." As an infant I was a bit small. Which brings me to another point. I-

~unknown female voice

-Shaddup already!

~Break

My goodness! it would appear your wife is at attendance with us today as well! And who would have thought she was this beautiful! Why, she looks only half as old as you...

~Al’s wife

I AM only half as old, funny man!

~Break

My goodness! That's quite a feat Al Chem. I guess we see where Caelan get's his inspiration from when he chases the skirts of Reice and Shalah. Hahahahaha, good times to come!

Also, that's very interesting that you have some Badlandian in you. Why, you could be the next, BADLAND OBAMA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

...I crack me up.

But now on this epic quest you're on, when you first started out. What the hell were you thinking when you jumped into Bargoth's grasp? I mean he had a mean grip let me tell you, being choked by him is like being choked by vader. So yea, you have a fairly young family... why'dja do it?

~Chem

You don't think I know that? I mean, it was pretty frosty too!

~Break

I’ve been wrong before…

~Chem

Anyways. Why DID I do it? I wasn't thinking of my family, or the consequences. I just knew a friend was in trouble and they needed my help. When I joined the military I learned that you do things not for yourself, but for the person to your right and the person to your left. Selfless service.

~Break

You did it for...friendship?

Strangely, I'm allergic to such trifles. How can a man help his friends if he himself is not there? For that you shall perish under a pile of your own ignorance!

~D&D Dungeon Master

*random battle*

Enemies:

Break: HP/500 MP/200 AP/50


Allies/self


Al Chem: HP/200 MP/100 AP/40

Hawk: HP/150 MP/150 AP/20


Al Chem's powers:

Vindicating blow: deals 80 holy damage. costs 10 MP

Strength to press on: heals 100 HP. costs 20 MP

Piercing blow: deals 60 damage. cost 10 MP

Parry: occasionally take half damage and counter attack. Passive.


Hawk's powers:

Eagle eye: scan's opponent, makes allies attacks stronger against opponent. Cost 50 MP

Reinforcements: randomly give Al Chem +50 hp, +10 AP, or refills his MP. Costs 50 MP

Pidgin poo: does no damage, but blinds foe and improves Parry frequency. Costs 50 MP

Bird: can only be hit by ranged attacks. Passive.


Al Chem/ Hawk have initiative.

~Chem

The hawk uses Eagle Eye -50 MP
Al Chem executes Vindicating blow -10 MP

"Haha! Take that!"

~Break

*takes 100 DMG*

~D&D Dungeon Master

Break is the keyboard wielding anti-christ. watch out for his bird slaying attacks!

~Break

Ow, that hurt! but that's okay, I've got this!

~D&D Dungeon Master

Break uses aerial mass unstabilizer

Deals 1 damage to anything it hits. damage is multiplied by 10,000 if the target is a bird, and holy DMG is reduced due to the fact that any bird that fights break must be extremely evil.

-100MP

Hawk is out!

~Break

Alright All Chump, any last words?

~D&D Dungeon Master

Break: HP/400 MP/100

Al Chem: HP/200 MP/90

~Chem

"Die!"

Al Chem threw his dagger at the stage light right above Break.

"Okay.... die was a little harsh..."

~Break

NOT AS HARSH AS THIS!!!!!!!!!111!!!1111!shiftplusone

*uses remaining MP for eradication attack*

YOOOOOOOUUUSSSSEEEEEEEEEEE!

~D&D Dungeon Master

*Al Chem has 1 hit point left*

~Break

WTF!?!??!!?!?

~D&D Dungeon Master

*Al Chem's limit break is active*

LIMIT BREAK: MSL / deals huge damage.

~Chem

Are we still friends? Drinking buddies? Acquantences?

~Break

I refuse to back down just because my attack did not kill you outright and you have a super attack active!

~Chem

Very well then. Vindicating blow!

Wow I said that in a totally non-agressive manner.

~Break

You have a limit break, and you're going to instead attack me with an elemental attack I'm resilient to, knowing my next attack will kill/maim/dismember/hurt you?



I'm well aware you're not Reice, Alexander the great, Princess Leia, or Erwin Rommel, but that's the most retarded battle tactic I've ever heard of. Anyway, it looks like your dumb luck has finally run out.

*Pushes Al Chem over and watches him teeter backwards and fall onto his animal companion.*

...There we go, one less friendship loving scumbag in the world...

*Al Chem's head hits a loose floor board, propelling his sword into break's neck. As he toppled over to die, he spills a phinex down onto the floor, which revives his bird companion. Then when the bird tried to get up, Al Chem was helped to his feet. When he came too, Break was laying on his side in a pool of his own blood.*

...

~Chem

*Al Chem scratches his head with a puzzled look on his face while he looks at Break's lifeless corpse.*

I didn't want to hurt you that bad... you're a talkshow host... Breakette, I think eh needs a little help, and I'm all out of pheonix downs.

~Break

No, I'm not hurt...

*Break pulls the sword out of his neck and hurls it to the floor. He seems to have appeared behind Al Chem somehow.*

The stage for this play is both scripted and acted out by me. The choices you were given were a mere act of hospitality. The outcome was already decided...

NOW!

Let's wrap this up with you delivering a message to everyone all over the interwebz.

~Chem

Remember kids, be selfless, help those around you. By the way, the Alsvidian Warrior's guild could always use a few good soldiers. Its a great choice for a youngster who doesn't already have a plan, or anyone who's into adventure. You get to see the world, use swords, and occasionally go on epic quests. Its pretty damn cool. Keeps you fit, and teaches you life skills too! That’s it from me Break! Thanks for giving me the opportunity to appear on your show!

~Break

*is a pile of oozing…something, but goes totally unnoticed as Al Chem walks off stage*

---later---

So yea, Next week the goal is to do two reviews. The kicker is that these will be my first SERIOUS 5 and 1 reviews. What’s going to get its ego licked? What aught to butter it’s buns? I guess you’ll just have to wait and see.

Then you should find a stallion and...



...gitty up.